And that view is incompatible with self-righteous anger. Between emotional intelligence and emotional balance, we develop emotional maturity. Emotional maturity demands a big picture view of life. So I think that rules out the idea that hardship alone will automatically, on its own, cause a person to develop emotional maturity. Receive stories from The Good Men Project, delivered to your inbox daily or weekly. Whatever weaknesses they perceive in themselves, they do their best to keep secret. Learn how your comment data is processed. People develop emotional maturity through living life and facing problems. Often we are presented with decisions about our integrity in the moment when we come face to face with a situation that demands a particular response from us. Says Buddhist teacher and author Jack Kornfield, “Part of spiritual and emotional maturity is recognizing that it's not like you're going to try to fix yourself and become a different person. For example, try watching debates on TV and consider both sides of the argument instead of deciding who's right or wrong. The important adults in children’s lives influence their development when they interact with them. Please share these emotional maturity tips on your preferred social media platform. But emotional maturity requires that we accept reality and work with it. With forgiveness, though, you choose to focus your thoughts on a good outcome for the other; and in doing so, you bring the same blessings down on yourself. Here are a few reasons: Experiencing trauma, neglect, or instability as a child can impact one's ability to mature properly. 8 Ways To Maintain a Long-Term Relationship, 16 Essential Books About Environmental Justice, Racism and Activism, 10 Things Good Men Should Never Do in a Relationship, Explaining White Privilege to a Broke White Person, The First Myth of Patriarchy: The Acorn on the Pillow, The Reality That All Women Experience That Men Don’t Know About, The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men's Lives is a Killer, What We Talk About When We Talk About Men: The Top 12 Issues Men Face Today, Relationships Aren't Easy, But They're Worth It, White Fragility: Why It's So Hard to Talk to White People About Racism. When you hold onto anger over an injury from the past — thinking it gives you power over the person you refuse to forgive — you freeze your emotional growth. Between a life situation and your response to it is that brief moment when you decide how you are going to react. When you’re able to manage and reduce your negative emotions, you’re less likely to get overwhelmed. Emotionally immature people are egocentric Emotionally mature people aren’t afraid of being vulnerable with others. As we have been discussing, the first step to begin to develop emotional maturity is to acquire awareness and knowledge about oneself. Emotionally immature people tend to prioritize the “me” rather than the “we” in their relationships. You’re also better able to defend those beliefs when others call them into question. How to develop your emotional maturity? As children grow, they develop the skills they need to become functioning adults, but sometimes, there are delays in development. 1. We are more prone to lose our tempers, say unkind things, and act in childish ways with the people we love the most. Even if you didn't experience childhood trauma or have “helicopter” parents who hovered around meeting your every need, you can benefit from improving your emotional maturity. Or can you break the negative pattern of immature responses and create new, more emotionally intelligent responses that align with who you want to be? Addictions, greed, immaturity, fear, blame, shame, resentments, anger, confusion and suffering can all signs of arrested emotional development. If mom or dad always stepped in to save the day, then a child never learns how to fend for himself. I observe that the vast majority of people are stuck in their emotional growth process somewhere in their adolescent years. Part of creating your ideal self is knowing what integrity means for you. This can be the most difficult step, as most of us don't want to acknowledge how we might be acting childishly. Once you have a better idea of why you are triggered, think about ways you can respond differently. Keep in mind that one can possess the former without necessarily having the latter. If your goal is to boost your own emotional intelligence or help your clients boost their emotional intelligence (e.g., any EI work on an individual level), keep these seven tips in mind: Reflect on your own emotions; Ask others for perspective; Be observant (of your own emotions); I’m going to suggest that our key moments are how we develop emotional maturity. They can admit their own weaknesses and struggles. Significant emphasis is placed on physical touch and visual contact. When you discover problems in your life that contribute to unwanted behavior, go to work on them. Teenagers have more filters but still don't have a fully-formed prefrontal cortex, the brain's rational thinking arena. Having emotional maturity means that you take full responsibility for what happens in your life—the good and the bad. If, on the other hand, you’ve adopted a belief without giving it much thought, a simple question like “Why do you believe that?” feels like persecution — or a trap. On the other hand, students have been stunted in their emotional maturity. … Would you be willing to send out some love to your friends and family? Teens are hovering on the brink of adulthood, but without a complete set of judgment tools at their disposal, they will revert to immature responses as soon as things don't go their way. But in doing so, you wish the same on yourself. You may not be able to achieve your ideal all of the time (we are human after all! If immaturity in the workplace is a problem you feel you or someone you know is contributing to, here are a few ways to step up and grow up: Keep relationships professional: Don’t talk about hangovers or complain about significant others; keep personal talk to a minimum. Emotional intelligence involves the understanding of one’s emotions as well as those they relate with. An emotionally immature person rails at reality and tends to blame the world for his or her circumstances. 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